


Princess Die

by Cthulhus_Curse



Category: Happiest Season (2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Graphic Description, Kinda?, Suicide, idk read it if you think you can handle stuff like this, non-established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28123764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cthulhus_Curse/pseuds/Cthulhus_Curse
Summary: Acting is a form of lying, not only to the audience, but to yourself.
Relationships: Sloane Caldwell/Riley Johnson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Princess Die

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the unreleased song by Lady Gaga, “Princess Die.” It is not a happy fic, so if you don’t like that, don’t force yourself to read it. 
> 
> Please be sure to pay attention to the tags and the trigger warnings. I genuinely don’t want to upset anyone. It’s kind of a vent fic y’all. 
> 
> TW: Suicide

Renowned actress Sloane Caldwell had everything she wanted at one point in her life. She had all of the money she could ask for, lived a comfortable life, enjoyed the way people fawned over her, and was truly happy in general, or so she believed. 

It had taken months, even years, for Sloane’s unhappiness to catch up to her. It had been growing and growing for so long that one day she simply snapped. 

Having contemplated it for weeks beforehand, Sloane made up her mind. She woke up on that rare rainy December morning, her thoughts immediately racing. As she made her way to the bathroom, she sighed. The tiredness which came upon her body was immense.

_ Just a little bit more and I won’t have to deal with this. Never again.  _

Never had she felt such an intense amount of mental and physical pain. It always came down to bottling it all up. She was an actress for crying out loud. Her job was to lie, even if that ended up being to herself as to what she felt. It simply became too much though. 

Just a few days before, her boyfriend, Eric, had proposed. It made her think,  _ really  _ think, about what she wished her life would’ve been rather than what it will become. She did not want to spend her life married to a man that she felt nothing for. It was not fair to either her or him. So as always, Sloane had simply ran away from her problems. The following days had been spent in seclusion at her house in the outskirts of Rhode Island. 

The one person that knew of her location was Riley. Oh sweet Riley who had been her assistant for almost 4 years. She deserved a raise for having dealt with Sloane for such a long time. Nobody had stayed that long, not even her own family. Still, Sloane was glad that, of all people, Riley was the one to stay with her. 

She did not know what it had begun, but one day she found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss Riley. Not just kiss her, but truly be with her. Wake up every single day to her soft breathing, go on long walks across Sloane’s private beach as the sun sets, and even sit around doing absolutely nothing as they simply enjoyed one another. It was a lot to process, Sloane figured, which meant that it would only be twice as bad if it were up to Riley. So instead of being truthful to herself and who she was, Sloane once again ran. Being with a man seemed like the safer choice in Hollywood anyway, even as much as it pained her to have to live a lie. But the show must go on. 

Making her way into the bathroom, Sloane sighed.  _ Today’s the day,  _ she said to herself. She opened the cabinet right above her sink and smiled as she withdrew a small bottle of pills. All her life she had been ridiculed for the wrong choices she had made. Her dropping out of college was frowned upon by society as well as having chosen to be an actress drifted her apart from her family. Even after being crowned Hollywood’s Princess, figuratively, her parents still saw her as a joke. She could not bear to live through what her coming out would lead them to believe, although she wouldn’t live long enough to find out, which she was rather thankful for. 

It took a few minutes to set everything up. Filling a bathtub took longer than she believed. Still, it gave her enough time to gather all of her materials. 

As the water ran in the bathroom, Sloane raced across the foyer with a sudden burst of energy. She made her way to the office that was set upstairs and grabbed the one piece of paper lying atop the hardwood desk. Making sure it was all set, the woman re-read it before setting it down on her bed before remerging in the bathroom. 

Once the tub had been filled, Sloane turned the faucet off. She grabbed the pills from the cabinet and set them on the floor right next to where she had left a bottle of vodka the previous night. 

With a sigh, the woman untied the knot around her waist. She left the silk robe covering her body drop to the floor and pool around her feet. The adrenaline she suddenly experienced was exquisite. She had not felt so alive in her entire life. 

Sloane hummed as she dove into the tub, the warm water immediately covering her frame. It felt amazing to finally be there in that moment. After all of those long and terrible years she had experienced, Sloane Caldwell would finally be free. 

She grabbed the bottle of pills and opened it. Not even a second had passed and she was already shoving multiple tiny tablets in her mouth. The sensation almost made her throw up, but she had to be strong one last time. Either way, it became easier to deal with once she took a swing of the vodka-filled bottle. The way the liquid burned as it traveled down her throat was rather painful and grotesque, but she could not care for it. In a matter of minutes she would not have to deal with that pain, or any for that matter, anymore. 

After a few minutes of the same process being repeated, Sloane sighed. A headache was beginning to form as her vision became blurry. She had no clue how many pills she had swallowed, but the bottle was empty, as well as the alcohol she had drank rather quickly. The sight itself made her smile. 

Closing her eyes, Sloane finally felt free. Her final thoughts came to her note which she so hoped was firstly found by Riley or eventually given to her. While she did not wish the woman saw her in such a weak state, she so needed for her to understand those feelings with Sloane had been holding on to for so long. The woman coughed slightly as she remembered what she had written the previous night: 

_ To whom it may concern,  _

_ I don’t think I want to live anymore. My mom once told me that I was a disappointment and I spent all my career trying to prove her wrong, but now I realize that she was right. Of all people in my life, Tipper Caldwell was the smartest. What a world we live in.  _

_ I don’t have much to say but to give thanks to all of those who impacted my life. Mom and dad, thank you for having realized what I truly was at a young age: a failure. I don’t think I could have done this without you. Harper, you were the one that once told me I had thrown away a law degree to live a superficial life in Hollywood. You were not wrong and I should have listened to you, although if I had then maybe I wouldn’t be free. Jane, you are one of the most amazing people to have ever been in my life. I will miss you the most out of the family. I hope you keep on spreading your joy and love with everyone around you. Please finish your book soon. The world will be happy to read the magic that Jane Caldwell has for them. I love you little sister. Take care of my room for me and don’t let mom turn it into an office.  _

_ To my dear Riley I leave you with the most love. I have never felt this happy to be around someone in my life. I know you are my assistant and your job is to make my life easier, but part of me  _ _ feels _ _ felt as though you loved me too. It might’ve been my stupid mind. Either way, I love you. I love that beautiful smile you flash towards me whenever you bring me breakfast on set. I love those dumb jokes I always pretend to hate, but that I genuinely find funny. I love the way you talk about your parents and how they helped you become the great woman you are today. I love the way you speak of your heritage and your many visits to your mother’s island of Puerto Rico (I wish I would’ve been able to visit with you someday in person instead of my dreams). I love how you were always there for me day and night, even if I called you at 3 in the moment you would show up at my doorstep and make my life much better. I love how passionate you are about becoming a doctor someday. I love how you are putting yourself through med school and are still as happy as can be, even if you had to work for me. I love you Riley, all of you. I know that you may not feel the same way about me, but that’s okay because I won’t be here to bother you any longer. You never have to worry about taking care of me again. I’m finally happy, Ri. I did it!  _

_ P.s., _

_ I’m leaving more than enough money for you to pay back your student loans and put yourself through the rest of your education without having to worry. I know you will get into Johns Hopkins’ program so I have an apartment for you in Baltimore. Call Roy so he can give you the key. I wish I lived long enough to see you become the amazing doctor I know you will be. Maybe in another life… _

_ With all the love and adoration,  _

_ Sloane Joanne Caldwell ♡ _

And there went Sloane Caldwell, her last thoughts set upon the woman she loved who she could never have, much less now with her sudden departure from the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please stay safe and if anyone needs to talk, my tumblr DMs are open (remy-roman) ^^


End file.
